You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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