Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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