We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
