My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
