I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize