Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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