So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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