you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
