the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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