He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
