I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
