...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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