I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
