when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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