woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
