I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize