i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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