there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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