I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
