Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize