Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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