You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
