i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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