That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
