Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
