i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
