literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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