I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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