i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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