dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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