It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
