When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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