were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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