Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
