What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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