the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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