Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
