Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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