I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
