i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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