I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
