Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
