just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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