what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
