WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
