I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
