i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
