When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
