it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
