Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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