she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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