we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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