Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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