i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Be still, my beating vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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