Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
