No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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