Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
