also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
