good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
