I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
