One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
