I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
