he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
