put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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