I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
