My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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