I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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