How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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