Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
