I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
