I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
