Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize