It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
