I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
