Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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